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Summer vacation was over and the kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more mature, so she told them to use grown-up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
The first young one said he went to see his nana. The teacher said, "No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word."
The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, "No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word."
Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Sh*t."
One for the ladies!!
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "! I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable. "The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for .. a good man." The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, "Let me see that map again!."
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"‘But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist
"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" Annnoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container.........
" TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
